Phoebe Robinson Goes to Hollywood

Extended Stay (2020) By Megan Gabrielle Harris: Courtesy of the artist and Debuck Gallery

When Freeform green-lighted my half-hour comedy Everything’s Trash, which is impressed by my life as a previously broke thirtysomething cocoa Khalessi attempting to make it in NYC, I used to be overjoyed, floating even, like when Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw skips whereas crossing the road for no purpose. Imagining myself on set skip-walking to wardrobe to slap on some nipple covers? Don’t thoughts if I do. Skip-walking to craft companies to eat Cheez-Its although I’m lactose illiberal? To be anticipated. Skip-walking to the wrap occasion as soon as taking pictures is over and dancing and partying with the cast and crew? Duh! Never thoughts {that a} bitch (I’m mentioned bitch) can barely stroll after balancing precariously on what primarily quantities to toothpicks for 13 hours a day, 5 days per week for months? I’m a idiot! But I even have to admit that my thoughts was stuffed with fantasies about what getting myself “Hollywood-ready” as a mere “normal” would entail.

Before I’m going on, let me introduce myself. My title is Phoebe Robinson. I’m from Cleveland, Ohio; am a New York Times best-selling writer/comic/actress; and avail to be Jason Momoa’s scrunchie holder/lover…keep on activity, Pheebs. The TV present. Yes. The TV present. Whenever I point out it, folx ask how I obtained myself camera-ready, as a result of the method appears shrouded in thriller. But actually, it’s easy. Like, have you ever ever woken up at an ungodly hour so you may exercise within the hopes of your body turning into JLo’s, just for it to resemble that of a contestant on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge who simply had two weeks’ discover that they have been going to do some rope climbs and barrel rolls? Then you know the way to get Hollywood-ready, my friend.

Television, hell, life is image-based. We need to look nice to safe the job, win the lover, get out of bother—and since this business encourages ladies to rework themselves right into a lewk du jour by fasting, overexercising, and getting cosmetic surgery, the strain was on. Sorta. Being a kind A queen, I strove to get Hollywood-ready extra on my phrases: I had achieved this dream, so I needed to appear to be the one that manifested it. But that doesn’t imply I wasn’t down for some upgrades.

robinson on the set of her new show, everythings trash

Robinson on the set of her new present, Everything’s Trash.

Courtesy of the topic

First up? Exercise. I had already begun figuring out lengthy earlier than my TV present was green-lighted, as a result of quarantining in a small condominium was not nice for my mental health. I purchased a Peloton bike to get shifting and lift them endorphins. Two-plus years later, I’ve obtained legs and arms by Peloton, and character by being an A cup since I used to be 13 and considering that allure and wit will convey all of the boys to the yard. And I believe everyone knows that since comedy is my career of alternative, my yard has largely been like final name at a bar on a Tuesday night time—minimal occupancy. But after spending all these years honing the humorous, the addition of this new honed body-ody-ody makes me really feel fairly dang Hollywood-ready.

Next up? My diet. Being in my midthirties, I’m depending on my diet to give me the energy I would like to deal with my demanding 15- to 16-hour-a-day schedule. I jump-started this journey by doing the Kroma wellness detox. Because I strength-train, I didn’t actually shed some pounds, however this detox gave me a style of my future: I ate plenty of porridge and greens and pooped a number of instances a day. Now the passageways are clear and I largely eat carefully: consolation food if I need, however I’ve to admit that Sweetgreen salads are a staple of my diet. (Full disclosure: I assumed Sweetgreen was pronounced Sweetgreens as a result of I’m a Black auntie and Black aunties simply love including an s to shit.)

Being a kind A queen, I strove to get Hollywood-ready extra on my phrases: I had achieved this dream, so I needed to appear to be the one that manifested it.

Now, I can already really feel the judgment from a few of you about my eating a takeout salad e’ery day. In my protection, a selfmade salad doesn’t hit the identical. I would like a woman named Kelsie to be slicing and dicing them cherry tomatoes, so I can actually take in the vitamins. #TheseAreMyReparations. How deep is my love for takeout salad, you ask? Sweetgreens (intentional s) slid into my DMs and requested to ship me a bottle of a soon-to-be launched French dressing. Woooooow! I’m getting advance salad dressing drops earlier than they hit the streets, as a result of salads are apparently a pillar of my public persona?! I’m Hollywood-ready, bitch!

Well, nearly. I nonetheless had to handle my tooth. Y’all, they regarded like Sherwin-Williams’s off-white paint swatches. I’m speaking Gossamer Veil, Steamed Milk, Roman Column. While I by no means had shiny pearlies like my dad, the truth that Trash was filming in 4K satisfied me that I didn’t need to appear to be I grew up in England. So I went to the dentist for the primary time since highschool. I do know! Trifling! But additionally? My dentist mentioned she favored my “thicc enamel,” so perhaps I used to be doing one thing proper? (Okay, she positively mentioned “thick” not “thicc,” however I’ll take any alternative to spin a praise so I really feel like Megan Thee Stallion.) Anyway, the purpose is, I had a stellar appointment (no cavities!) and went via the two-week technique of professionally whitening my tooth. Not to the purpose that it seems as if I’m strolling round with a mouth stuffed with Chiclets, however shiny sufficient that if a fisherman have been lost at sea in the dark, I might smile and assist information him residence.

I do know, I’ve written so much in regards to the physical right here, as a result of that’s what Hollywood locations significance on. But throughout this time of preparation, I additionally found crucial factor I had to do personally to get myself Hollywood-ready: set boundaries. It sounds unusual, however that’s solely till you concentrate on it. Yes, this can be a business that’s pushed, partially, by doing no matter it takes to make your dream come true, however being at this stage of my life and having skilled my honest share of rejection, I’m appreciative of this chance. I need to cherish and savor each second. Everything’s Trash won’t ever come round once more on this particular manner with this particular group of writers, actors, and collaborators once more. That’s what makes it particular: its fragility, in that if even one factor is barely totally different, the present wouldn’t work. I need to defend that, and so as to achieve this, I’ve to have boundaries. I’ve to defend my peace, my heart, my thoughts, my body. That manner, I’m prepared for no matter Hollywood would possibly throw my manner.

This article seems within the August 2022 difficulty of ELLE.

This content material is created and maintained by a 3rd occasion, and imported onto this web page to assist customers present their e mail addresses. You could give you the option to discover extra details about this and comparable content material at

Back to top button